The Law of Leeds and Bohs Weekend Results
After Bohs beat Cork Celtic, I tried to understand how the Law of Leeds and Bohs Having the Same Result Every Weekend had failed to work. I absolutely had to figure this out, or else I would have to go to Bohs matches without knowing the outcome in advance. Maybe the Law didn’t work when Leeds and Bohs were both at home? No, it wasn’t that. Maybe the Law didn’t work when Leeds had the same result two weeks in a row? No, it wasn’t that either. So something must have been unusual about this weekend. Maybe something unrelated to football. But what could it have been? Well, here are some of the events that hit the Irish news headlines during that fateful weekend:
- Singer-turned-actor-turned-singer David Soul had reached number one in the charts with Silver Lady, confusing my regular Saturday night schedule of Starsky and Hutch, Match of the Day and Parkinson.
- Bill Crosby and Charlie Chaplin had both died on the Friday, but this was more than compensated for by Joe Dolan celebrating his 36th birthday at his Saturday cabaret show at the Chariot Inn in Ranelagh.
- RTE had rescheduled a new drama series, The Spike, amid concerns about rude language, but they were planning a series of one-hour ‘spectaculars’ to market Red Hurley around the globe.
- In Ballyhaunis, a bullock had escaped from the market square, climbed a set of steps off Abbey Street, crashed through the ceiling of a dry-cleaning shop, jumped over the shop counter, and escaped back onto the street.
- A bright young lad called Pat Kenny had compered the Miss Ireland Finals at the Shelbourne Hotel. Lorraine Enriquez from Dublin won, after one of the other beauties burst into tears because she didn’t like her curls.
- A local branch of the Irish medical Union was proposing that smoking be banned at the Union’s AGM in Galway.
- Letter-writers were complaining about the recent Shere Hite Report on Women’s Sexuality. A Carlow woman wondered who would want to be educated in advanced filth, and a Donegal man suggested adding the letter ‘S’ before the word ‘Hite’.
- In Ennis, the local Labour Exchange gave out banknotes to people on the dole queue that were not legal tender. The punched notes had got mixed up in transit, and local traders refused to accept them.
- Satisticians who analysed a GAA match between Dublin and Kerry concluded that, out of the official seventy minutes of play, the ball was actually in play for less than thirty minutes. Dublin forward Jimmy Keaveney said he was astonished.
So, all in all, I had to conclude that nothing unusual had happened in Ireland that weekend. The unexpected failure of the Law of Leeds and Bohs Having the Same Result Every Weekend would remain a mystery.